1. Beer Goggles
I donīt love you but I want to
Just give me something I can hold on to
Come on baby and speed your lust to me
Hereīs my number on a cocktail napkin
Think about it like a loaded weapon
Cock the hammer and point that thing at me
Why donīt you call
Why donīt you call
Why donīt you call
Kill me for the thrill of it all
I want someone anyone
Tall ones short ones skinny ones
I want someone anyone
You spend your nights at home crying
I spend mine death defying
I call it testing morality
So pull the goggles down over your eyes
And say good night to the rest of the barflies
Iīm forever yours temporarily
Why donīt you call
Why donīt you call
Why donīt you call
Kill me for the thrill of it all
I want someone anyone
Drunk ones spun ones anyone
I want someone anyone
Fat ones whacked ones give me some
I want someone anyone
Spend some rent one lend me one
Fun ones dumb ones gypsy chicks on rocks
Done ones even chicks with chicken pox
I want someone anyone
I want someone anyone
I want someone anyone
I want someone anyone
Drunk ones spun ones give me some
I want someone anyone
Fat ones whacked ones anyone
I want someone anyone
2. Disconnect The Dots
Today you sat up half asleep and stared
Into this cluttered empty apartment and died
What the where the how the why the hell
You can watch your step and still youīll never see the mines
Stay up man donīt drown
Itīs time to go to town
Today is just another yesterday
Youīre back in the game again
Youīre going to win it in the end
Disconnect the dots and be on your way
Every day I see you sinking low
Dragging around like itīs the end of the world
Sheīs gone sheīs gone sheīs gone man let it go
Cause in the end she didnīt turn out to be much of a girl
Stay up man donīt sink
Before you have time to blink
Your number one will walk through the door and want to play
Youīre back in the game again
Youīre gonna to win it in the end
Disconnect the dots
Disconnect the dots and be on your way
Thought you had it good so secure so sure
Looking at the map and didnīt see the detour
D.i.v.o.r.c.e. or something of that sort
Disconnect the dots my man the ballīs in your court
Get yourself a shave and put on your best hat
The world is your aquarium and you are the cat
So dive right in and donīt forget to swim
Youīre back in the game again
Stay up man donīt drown
Itīs time to go to town
Today is just another yesterday
Youīre back in the game again
Youīre gonna to win it in the end
Disconnect the dots
Disconnect the dots
Disconnect the dots and be on your way
3. Walkinī On The Sun
It ainīt no joke Iīd like to buy the world a toke
And teach the world to sing in perfect harmony
And teach the world to snuff the fires and the liars
Hey I know itīs just a song but itīs spice for the recipe
This is a love attack I know it went out but itīs back
Itīs just like any fad it retracts before impact
And just like fashion itīs a passion for the with it and hip
If you got the goods theyīll come and buy it just to stay in the clique
So donīt delay, act now supplies are running out
Allow, if your still alive, six to eight years to arrive
And if you follow there may be a tomorrow but if
The offerīs shun, you might as well be walkinī on the sun
Twenty five years ago they spoke out and they broke out
Of recession and opression and together they toked
And they folked out with guitars around a bonfire
Just singinī and clapinī man what the hell happened
Some were spell bound some were hell bound
Some they fell down and some got back up and
Fought against the melt down
And their kids are hippie chicks all hypocrites
Because fashion is smashinī the true meaning of it
It ainīt no joke when mammaīs hankercheif is soaked
With the tears because her babyīs life has been revoked
The bond is broke up so choke up and focus on the closeup
Mr. wizard canīt perform no god like hocus pocus
So donīt sit back kick back and watch the world get bushwacked
News at 10.00 your neighborhood is under attack
Put away the crack before the crack puts you away
You need to be there when your babyīs old enough to relate
4. Why Canīt We Be Friends
Why canīt we be friends
I seen ya I seen ya I seen ya īround for a long long time
I really I really I really remember when you drank my wine
Why canīt we be friends
I seen ya I seen ya I seen ya walkinī down in chinatown
I called ya I called ya I called but you did not look around
I pay my I pay my I pay my money to the welfare line
I seen ya I seen ya I seen ya standing in it everytime
Why canīt we be friends
The color the color the color of your skin donīt matter to me
As long as as long as long as we can live in harmony
I kinda I kinda I kinda like to be the president
And I could and I could and I could show you how your moneyīs spent
Why canīt we be friends
Sometimes I donīt speak right
But did I know what I was talking about
I know youīre working for the cia
They wouldnīt have you in the mafia
Why canīt we be friends
5. Flo
Your friends keep telling me
I bear a striking resemblance to
Someone you used to know
But baby itīs me
So why the hell do you keep calling me "flo"
And I would hope
That you would have the decency to
Let me go
In case of an emergency
But you keep reassuring me
Telling me to just quit tripping on it
And maybe itīs me
I guess that I should probably get a grip on it
"but" itīs hard to do
Every time I see that tattoo
Over your heart
It ainīt right I canīt even look at you
Why you doing what youīre doing
You should be doing what you want
Who the fuck you think youīre fooling
Sheīs the one the one you want
Florence if you hear this wonīt you
Come and take your girlfriend back
Sheīs been calling out your name
Every time weīre in the sack
Sheīs been a mess since youīve been apart
So flo if you had half the heart
Florence can you hear me
Can you hear me flo
Florence can you hear me
Can you hear me flo
Weīve been going for awhile
But lately sheīs been somewhere else
She donīt even smile
And I think itīs a cry for "help"
And I would pray
That you would have the common courtesy
To take her away
It ainīt right she donīt belong to me
Why you doing what youīre doing
You should be doing what you want
Youīre the only one youīre fooling
Sheīs the one the one you want
Florence if you hear this wonīt you
Come and pick your girlfriend back
Sheīs been talking in her sleep
And I think that Iīve had enough
Sheīs been a wreck since youīve been away
So flo if you have something to say
Florence can you hear me
Can you hear me flo
Florence can you hear me
Can you hear me flo
Florence can you hear me
Can you hear me flo
Florence can you hear me
Can you hear me
6. The Fonz
I wanna try your shoes on
And wear them for a day
Learn to walk like you do
And say what I see
Iīd talk like I know something
That everyone wanted to hear
But youīre the fonz
Youīre the fonz
But youīre the fonz
Youīre the fonz
The definition of icy
The measure of whatīs up
You could play the tuba
And everyone would clap
Well I can play the tuba
And they all just shake their heads
Cause youīre the fonz
Youīre the fonz
Cause youīre the fonz
Youīre the fonz
Cause youīre the fonz
Youīre the fonz
Cause youīre the fonz
Youīre the fonz
I know itīs over for me
I know itīs over for me
I know itīs over for me
I know itīs over
I drove my car to the top floor
And stood at the edge
When I woke up in heaven
Looked down and no one cared
But when you pulled your own trigger
They all gathered around to watch
Cause youīre the fonz
Youīre the fonz
Because you are the fonz
Youīre the fonz
7. Heave-ho
Neighbor called my landlord
She said that she was pissed
Up all night making noise
And she canīt get no rest
She said we was running a flop house
Full of thieves and thugs
Musicians and hooligans and we were all on drugs
So she got bent and raised the rent
Said it would only take one more
Phone call from my whiny neighbor
Whatīs up with my neighbor
Whatīs it gonna take to get a break
Sheīs got us tiptoeing around in fear
Church mice at st. leoīs down my street
Have moved so far away
She has sent them packing and running scared
How much more does she think we will take
Maybe someday when Iīm old and fat and bored
Iīll understand why my neighbor makes me feel like hell
I canīt even watch tv or sneeze or fart canīt even breathe
For fear my landlord will come and ring my bell
How much more does she think we will pay
No more flop house no more fun
Iīve got a whiny neighbor
Shooting cans with bb guns
Iīve got a whiny neighbor
She says these punks have to go
I think weīre gonna get the old heave ho
Neighbor called my landlord
It was a sunday afternoon
She couldnīt hear the tv set
We were having a barbecue
We were listening to louis prima
And drinking meisterbrau
If she would have come to talk it over
And wasnīt a lazy cow
So she got bent she raised the rent
Said it would only take one more
Phone call from my whiny neighbor
Maybe someday when Iīm jaded
9 to 5 at a job I hate
Iīll come home and razz my neighbors too
But Iīd have a strategy
And catch them when the rent is late
And all the other bills are overdue
After all this is the neighborly way
No more music no more fun
Iīve got a whiny neighbor
Iīve got a whiny neighbor
Barbecues in the sun
Iīve got a whiny neighbor
Iīve got a whiny neighbor
She says that these punks must go
I think weīre gonna get the old heave ho
Donīt even hide the dog
Or put the bong away
We donīt want to live here anyway
Neighbor called my landlord
She said we didnīt care
The lawn is dead
Dogs and cats are stinking everywhere
She said that we had crazy parties every night
The yard is littered with bottles and cans
Skateboards and bikes
She didnīt get bent
Didnīt raise the rent
We only got a note
In 30 days weīll get the old heave ho
Waaaaaoo.....waaaaaaaaaoo.....
No more music no more fun
Iīve got a whiny neighbor
Iīve got a whiny neighbor
Barbecues in the sun
Iīve got a whiny neighbor
Iīve got a whiny neighbor
She says that these punks must go
I think weīre gonna get the old heave ho
8. Letīs Rock
Lately Iīve been thinking about the past
About the good times
And have they all come and gone
And are there more years behind than ahead
Then I say to myself
Fuck it letīs rock
Letīs rock letīs rock
Letīs rock letīs rock letīs rock
Lately Iīve been thinkinī whoīs in charge
About who they are
And are they looking down and laughing hard
And are they aliens or robots or humanoids or gods
I think Iīm just paranoid
Fuck it letīs rock
Letīs rock letīs rock
Letīs rock letīs rock letīs rock
What if someone takes my cat what if she runs away
What if she gets hit
What if someone takes my chick what if she runs away
I wonīt be blue
Cuz I know what to do
Lately Iīve been thinking about my vices
And about the prices
That Iīll later have to pay
Iīve been thinking about myself
And about my health
Then Iīll say what the hell
Letīs rock letīs rock letīs rock
Letīs rock letīs rock letīs rock
Letīs rock letīs rock letīs rock
Letīs rock letīs rock letīs rock
9. Nervous In The Alley
Sheīs 15 and sheīs leaving home
Living on the streets where she donīt feel alone
Daddyīs always gone and mommyīs on the sauce
Living in a mansion itīs easy to get lost
Sheīs going to a place where they understand
Babyīs on the way her wombīs a garbage can
Who said anything about a good life
This oneīs bad bad bad bad
Gonzo again - just another entry to the neverending story
Wasted again - I think you need a new best friend
Nervous in the alley off the boulevard
Shaking all over and the panic starts
You see she needs to get her prescription filled
And she knows exactly how sheīll be billed
Nervous in the alley waiting for a fix
She ainīt got no money just a couple of tricks
Who said anything about a charmed life
This oneīs sad sad sad sad
Gonzo again - just another entry to the neverending story
Wasted again - I think you need a new best friend
Who said anything about a good life
Who said anything about a charmed life
Who said anything about a fair life
Itīs mad
Dying in the alley waiting for her man
Carrying her child and a sleeping bag
Should have would have could have never crossed her mind
So she passes on to the other side
Here he comes suit shades car and a beeper
Sugar daddy pimp pushing f***ing grim reaper
Who said anything about a fair life
This oneīs mad mad mad mad
Gonzo again - just another entry to the neverending story
Wasted again - I think you need a new friend
Gonzo again - just another entry to the neverending story
Wasted again - sheīs got herself a new best friend
10. Padrino
Life imitates the game of chess
You can be the rook or the pawn
But if you have the strategy thatīs best
You can be the king or in this case the don
Itīs easy to get knocked out of the game
Depending on which way you want to play
Youīve got to have eyes on the back of your head
Now that we have that out of the way
Rev up the lincoln
And letīs get to drinking some caffeino
Letīs go to nicolletis
Cause he makes a mean spaghetti sauce
Iīm a connoisseur of the finer things in life
Iīll talk any flick with al pacino
Iīm a man of respect and I prefer to be addressed as padrino
If youīre the type that likes to spill the beans
You could be a stone in someoneīs shoe
Youīll receive a kiss on each cheek
And then youīll know that pretty soon the stone will be removed
Everyone knows that crime doesnīt pay
It doesnīt pay the taxes away
Youīve got to be slick if you donīt want it to stick
Now that we have that out of the way
I know itīs not a wise thing to do
Writing funny songs about the mob
But if itīs all the same to you
I donīt see it as a gang but a club
Where men sit like gentlemen
Plotting their events about
Things I shouldnīt understand, comprehend or care
Like...oh, I donīt know maybe I shouldnīt go there
After all it is a family affair
Stay out of the papers
Donīt get caught
Leave the singing to sinatra and always keep your big trap shut
Capice?
The underworld is like an undertow - if you donīt respect it
It will surely bring you down - when you least expect it -
Hey expect it from all sides
Once youīre in it itīs for life
Donīt be famous be infamous and you will live to see another day
Be wise about with whom you discuss
Now that we have that out of the way
11. Push
Why donīt you condone it
Why donīt you set me free
I donīt think you own it
Cause it belongs to me
And if I ever want to take it back
You try to lie and hide it
Look whoīs laughing last
Everyone around me thinks they know
They try to see it
But I donīt let it show
Stay out of my business
Keep your hands off my door
Iīve got a bed
Iīd rather sleep on the floor
Screaming in my head
I donīt like it anymore
No place to go
Leave me alone
I donīt want to know
Nobody ever seems to understand
Every day I wake up
And do the best that I can
Iīve got my problems
Youīve got yours too
You try to label me
Have you ever looked at you
Nobodyīs perfect
I really think you do
And if you are why am I standing next to you
No place to go
Leave me alone
I donīt want to know
I spin my wheels and try to figure it out
Whatīs going on
And whatīs it all about
Where did I go wrong
I think Iīm having my doubts
About what you said
And what youīre going to do
Iīm so pissed off
I blame it on you
Iīve done it all
Thereīs nothing left for me to do
Whatīs going on
Piss on you
No place to go
Leave me alone
Donīt want to know
12. Pet Names
Just when I thought everything would be okay
Just when I started to believe that everything was going my way
Out came the cloud from under my feet
Crashing back down to reality
You used to call me pumpkin now Iīm halloween
Remember when I used to be your jelly bean
You used to call me schnookums and shit like that
Now youīre after me with a baseball bat
I remember when I used to be the king
Your honey sweety darling baby everything
I used to be your tall dark mystery man
Now Iīm just straight up history man
Just when I thought everything would be alright
Just when I started to believe that everything was out of sight
You left me with nothing but a scribbled note
That said I would no longer be your love boat
From here on out my pet name would be x
Your x your x your x
It used to be sugar then it turned into salt
I used to rock your world now Iīm standing on a fault line
Lying naked in a hail storm in the dark
Youīre my little tornado and I am your trailer park
You used to call me names too cute to repeat
Like honey bunch hairy bear and piccolo peet
Goochy goochy goo gaga shit like that
Now youīre after me screaming you dirty rat
I donīt remember applying for a name change
So why is it youīre calling me mister deranged
Psycopathic pornographic stinking drunk
Failing fast lying ass worthless punk
You used to call me sweety pie and baby doll
I guess another studīs kicking in my stall
Youīll probably call him superman or loverboy
Youīll probably disregard him like a broken toy
Just when he thought everything was going his way
Just when he started to believe that everything was hunky dory
Heīll look at that cloud that heīs standing on
And with an itsy bitsy teeny little almost inaudible squeak
Heīll notice
Itīs gone
From here on out his pet name would be x
Your x your x your x
Sweety pie?
No x
Honey bunch?
No x
Bubble butt?
No x
Pumpkin face?
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